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3 Steps to Achieve Assertiveness

There are three simple steps to assertiveness. It is important that individuals learning to be assertive understand and practice all these three in order.

Step 1: Actively listen to what is being said then show the other person that you both hear and understand them.

Step 2: Say what you think or what you feel. The word however is a good linking word between step one and step two. A number of reasonable alternatives like on the other hand, in addition, even so, nevertheless, alternatively, etc., may also be used.

Step 3: Say what you want to happen.

Once the three basic steps to assertiveness have been mastered, there are a number of key assertive behaviours and techniques which will add to the competence and confidence of people working with assertiveness. They are:

  • Saying no
  • Broken Record
  • Discrepancy Assertion

1.Saying No

  • Don’t respond immediately.
  • Assess whether the other person’s request is reasonable or unreasonable. "Hmm, let me see if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that…"
  • Assert the right to ask for information, clarification or time.
  • Give a simple ‘no’ followed by one of the following:
    • I would prefer not to…
    • I would rather…
    • I am not willing to…
  • Apologise ONLY if you are genuinely sorry.
  • Give honest reasons. If you prefer, do so. Don’t make excuses.
  • Speak slowly and steadily in order not to sound abrupt.
Learning Activity:
Your colleague has the habit of ‘dumping’ his work on you. Today, he again asks you to finish up some work for him. You’ve had enough of this and want to put an end to it.  

2.Broken Record

 

Children are experts in the use of the Broken Record technique and use it very effectively. It is useful to help make sure that you are listened to and that your message is received.

Sometimes when people are actively involved in their own concerns or needs they pay little attention to what you have to say or to your situation. Broken record makes sure that your message does get through without nagging, whinging or whining.

With the Broken Record technique, it is important to use some of the same words over again in different sentences. This reinforces the main part of your message to others raising red herrings or diverting you from your central message.

Learning Activity:
 
 
Your manager wants you to submit a report by the 15th of this month. You know that it’s impossible to complete it fully by then.

 

3.Discrepancy Assertion

Discrepancy assertion is used in situations where you are receiving contradictory messages. In a fast-paced, fast-changing work scenario, contradictory messages are one of the by-products. It is important to be clear about what is actually happening or expected without resorting to guesswork.

Discrepancy assertion helps to clear misunderstandings before they grow into difficult issues. It is also a useful way to point out to someone the inconsistency in their behaviour without blaming or being accusatory and it helps to move people closer to a workable compromise. With discrepancy assertion, it is important to be as objective as possible while pointing out the known facts clearly.

Learning Activity:
During your appraisal you told your manager that the work load was causing you a lot of stress. Recently, your department has been given several additional new projects. You wish to discuss the situation with your manager.