| Distractions | Internal distractions arise from your own mind or body External distractions arise from your surroundings or from other people Both types of distractions cause you to lose focus on what a speaker is saying |
|---|---|
| Emotions | Both positive and negative emotions can cause you to listen selectively, hearing only what reinforces your current mood |
| Speech | Three types of speech can prevent effective listening Attacking speech criticizes, blames, or interrogates your conversation partner "You" statements are a form of attacking speech that assign blame and tend to generalize about the behavior of the person addressed Speech that exerts power over others includes commands and threats |
To overcome distractions, you
- identify the types of distractions to which you're most susceptible
- determine the impact and cost of each type of distraction, as well as how often it typically affects your ability to listen well, and
- plan how to minimize or eliminate distractions
To control emotions, you
- identify your emotional responses and their triggers so that you can gain control over these
- determine your own purposes and those of the speaker in a given communication, and
- withhold judgment and instead cultivate an attitude of patience, tolerance, and empathy
To prevent speech roadblocks, you
- avoid attacking statements or volleys of questions that blame, criticize, or interrogate
- use "I" statements rather than "you" statements to communicate your feelings, and
- avoid unnecessary use of commands and instead phrase requests politely, giving the recipient room to respond