It's not what you say, it's how you say it. Research shows that the most effective leaders are good communicators. They have learned to give clear instructions, listen to questions and suggestions, and keep people well informed. Research also shows that good communication promotes:

• improved productivity
• better problem-solving
• a reduction in grievances
• ideas for improvements
• better working relationships
• greater personal satisfaction

When you are communicating expectations, it is critical that all of the "whats" are conveyed for clear understanding. The employee needs to know:

• why the task must be done
• when the work is to be completed
• how rigid the deadline is
• how the finished work will be measured or evaluated
• how important the task is in relation to other work being done
• how the task fits into the big picture

Effective communication takes time and attention. Be sure to slow down, listen to comments from the employee, and ask questions to make sure the employee understands what you've communicated.

Tomorrow's managers pay attention to the words they choose, what needs to be included in the message, and how their staff members feel about what they are hearing and how it's being communicated. Effective communication is part of being a good manager, and will be reflected in more efficient, more productive and happier employees.

Preparing for confident communication

Speaking with confidence takes preparation and practice. When preparing to communicate, you need to keep a few key points in mind:

• develop your personal image – Being comfortable in your clothing and dressing appropriately for the occasion help you to feel more confident.
• know what you want to say – This helps you to feel prepared and competent. So you need to prepare your message ahead of time if you think you might have trouble conveying it. Consider where your message may be unclear, because people don't always ask questions. Ensure the message is simple and specific, and includes arguments or examples to support your main points. Knowing what your audience wants and what their interests are can help you to speak to those interests while conveying your message.
• address fears and self-talk – You may find that you are worrying when speaking, telling yourself that you will make mistakes or be rejected by your listeners. This type of self-talk erodes your confidence and increases stress. Another useful strategy is to imagine the worst possible outcome, and prepare yourself for it. If you are prepared, you are even more likely to succeed.

Confident vocalization

Your voice and how you use it are important aspects of confident interpersonal communication. The critical areas to focus on are as follows:

• inflection – Your voice's inflection is how it rises and falls as you speak. Without inflection, you will speak in a monotone, which is boring for listeners to follow. When your inflection or pitch goes down at the end of a sentence, it shows certainty and is authoritative. When your inflection goes up at the end of a sentence, it indicates a question or uncertainty.
• volume – A confident voice is audible but not overpowering. If you shout, your audience will back away from your message. If you speak very quietly, people will struggle to hear you and may become frustrated or disinterested. Speaking audibly engenders confidence in the speaker as well as conveying confidence to the listener. People are more likely to overrule what you say if they struggle to hear it, which can create a cycle of weakening confidence. If you know that your voice is too quiet, practice speaking more loudly and opening your mouth to accentuate each word.
• tone – When speaking, you need to ensure that your tone matches what you want to say. If people think that you are joking when you are serious, you are not getting your message across. Typically, people find a lower tone more authoritative than a higher-pitched tone.
• speed – The speed at which you talk affects your confidence and the confidence your audience has in you. Confident speech is typically fluent and slow enough for people to follow with ease, and free of lengthy pauses. Speaking rapidly often indicates nervousness and makes it difficult for a listener to follow your message. This is especially problematic when speaking in groups, because people in group situations are less likely to ask you to slow down. If you hesitate or pause frequently when you speak, your listeners will sense your uncertainty and may become bored waiting for your message to arrive. If you prepare well, you will hesitate less.

Confident body language

How you use your voice can affect your projection of confidence when communicating. So can how you use your body. Confident communication relies on a few key items:

• posture – How you carry yourself tells your listeners something about you and about how you feel about your listeners. Standing tall with your hands loosely by your sides shows that you are alert and relaxed. If you are sitting, you should sit upright with your arms by your sides, resting either on the arm rests, the seat, or on your thighs. A posture that is alert and relaxed helps you to become more alert and relaxed, and conveys confidence in yourself and interest in your audience.
• eye contact – A steady gaze mixed with brief periods of looking away can be used to convey respect and interest in a person, and will enhance your message.
• gestures and facial expressions – These are important ways of conveying information. If they don't match your words, you'll give mixed messages and appear inauthentic or unconvincing. Smiling and using open, relaxed, spontaneous gestures convey a relaxed warmth and build confidence.

If your posture is rigid and tense, you communicate insecurity or anxiety. If you slouch, you convey a lack of interest in your audience. Avoiding eye contact can cause you to miss important responses from your listeners, distances you from them, and conveys a lack of self-confidence. But excessive eye contact is considered rude. Worrying or criticizing yourself reduces your confidence and your ability to communicate. When you notice negative thoughts, replace them with positive and encouraging thoughts. Encouraging thoughts support you in your task and give you the confidence you need to succeed.

It's helpful to pay attention to how your body feels. If your heartbeat is high, your stomach is queasy, or you feel tension in your muscles, you are probably feeling anxious. By focusing on your breathing and consciously relaxing your muscles, you can calm yourself.

When preparing to communicate, you need to ensure that your appearance projects the image that you want it to. You should be clear about what you want to say, why you want to say it, and who your audience is. You should also prevent negative self-talk and ease your anxiety by ensuring you're prepared for the worst possible outcome, so you know you'll be able to handle this. To use your voice confidently, take note of how you use inflections, tone, volume, and speed. Confident body language includes alert and relaxed posture, and good eye contact. You should use spontaneous and open gestures to add meaning to your message, and ensure your facial expressions match the content of your message.

Assertive behavior style

Behaving assertively isn't about overriding or offending others. It's about communicating clearly and effectively. You communicate assertively with others when you

• express what you think confidently and positively to others
• speak honestly and directly by saying what you really mean and feel
• demonstrate respect for others and their perspectives, and
• speak your views distinctly enough so that people will listen to and understand you

An assertive attitude is demonstrated through assertive behavior, which takes several forms. In conversation, it involves keeping an open and relaxed posture; speaking in a pleasant, conversational tone; and making appropriate eye contact. It involves participating in the discussion, rather than withdrawing from or dominating it.

When you're assertive, you are able to

• begin, change, and end a topic of conversation without being rude or overriding others
• express your opinions and feelings honestly so that others can take these into account
• ask for the cooperation and help of others without feeling guilty or anxious
• decline requests politely and confidently if you feel they are too demanding or that you won't be able to meet them
• question rules and guidelines that you feel are unfair and stand up for your own rights, and
• accept compliments and constructive criticism from others

Benefits of assertive behavior

When you're the other party in a conversation with someone assertive, the benefits you'll experience are that you

• feel good about the encounter
• feel respected
• know the interaction won't have wasted your time
• understand what's being said
• have space to make your own decisions because an assertive person won't push you around, and
• are exposed to an effective communication model that you can learn from

Communicating assertively yourself is beneficial to you because you

• get what you want or need more often
• gain respect from others, for yourself and your position
• feel less powerless and so reduce your stress in workplace situations
• solve problems more efficiently
• feel more productive and positive, and
• develop more open, honest relationships

Other behavior styles

People who don't communicate assertively may instead be aggressive, trying to force their points on others and ignoring their views. Or they may be passive – failing to make their own voices heard or hiding what they feel. Both of these approaches have disadvantages for everyone involved.

Aggressive behavior

People who are directly aggressive in the way they communicate are easy to spot. They may interrupt you often or talk over you. They're likely to come across as rude and inconsiderate and may push other people around. Aggressive behaviors include glaring and staring, crossing arms defiantly, invading others' personal space, and speaking loudly.

Passive-aggressive behavior

A variation, which can be less obvious, is passive-aggressive behavior. This involves reacting to others aggressively but not actually expressing the aggression – at least not verbally. For example, someone may use only facial expressions or sarcasm to demonstrate anger or annoyance. This person avoids open conflict but still gets the point across that she's angry or annoyed.

Passive-aggressive people usually intend to get even with the people they disagree with, but not directly. Instead, they hope those people will suffer some consequence of their actions, figure out on their own what they've done wrong, and "learn their lesson."

Sometimes, passive-aggressive people will manipulate circumstances or people to make sure their point gets across. Or they'll talk about the problem with other parties instead of with the person they're in disagreement with. What they won't do is confront the problem directly.

Passive behavior

Behaving passively can be just as problematic as being aggressive. It indicates that you're not confident enough to express your opinions or feelings. Very passive people have trouble keeping eye contact. They hesitate to contribute in group discussions and have trouble sticking up for themselves. They often speak softly, slouch, and appear withdrawn.

So whereas an assertive person sticks up for his rights, a passive person is more likely to keep quiet or even accept being pushed around. Often, passive people are trying to avoid confrontation or embarrassment. They want others to like them, so they treat others' needs and wants as more important than their own. But behaving passively can lead to feelings of frustration and helplessness in the long run.

People may behave passively for different reasons and in different ways. Generally, you can classify this behavior in either of two ways:

• Indirect behavior is characterized by passive communication that is evasive, uncertain, and indecisive. Someone who is indirect lacks the confidence to state his view or say how he feels. Instead he talks around the issue, using weak and unclear language. Or he keeps quiet and doesn't state his opinions at all, often for fear that he'll be unpopular.
• Giving-in behavior is used when someone who is unable to say "no." Even if she isn't comfortable doing what is asked, she does it anyway. A person who displays capitulating passive behavior doesn't have the confidence to stand up for her own rights.

You're assertive when you express your opinion confidently and positively, speak directly and honestly, remain respectful while expressing your views, and make yourself heard and understood. Being assertive helps you develop good relationships with your colleagues. Assertive behavior is a win-win situation because both parties feel good about the encounter. Aggressive behavior is overbearing and intimidating, while passive behavior is indirect and submissive. Both are ineffective and have a negative impact on the communicators and their relationship.

When you need results from someone, but don't have authority over them, you have to be persuasive. If your goal is clear, you'll be able to get straight to the point. However, you also need to consider the other person's perspective. This will increase the persuasive nature of your request.

Remember, influence is about trades – you need to offer something the other side values in return for what you want. This means you also need to know what you have to offer that is of value to the other person.

Once you've identified your needs, the interests of the other side, and what you have to offer, you're ready to ask for what you want. When you do so

• express yourself clearly and directly
• define the benefits of what you're requesting, and
• back up your position with compelling information

Express yourself clearly and directly

You need to

• be concise – Being concise means presenting your idea or request clearly – in a sentence or two. You can then move on to details. Use simple, unambiguous language rather than technical jargon or abstractions. "The team's made improvements" is better than "the team's implemented several enhancements." You should also try to avoid unnecessary intensifiers like "definitely," "really," and "very" – these sound insincere and make others doubt what you're saying.
• be direct – Do not talk about unrelated issues or take too long to get to the point. Nor should you make people guess what you want. Draw their conclusions for them. When you're direct, you'll be more likely to keep their attention.
• be positive and assertive – Focus on an issue's positive aspects and downplay its negatives. Use assertive language, which is active and precise. It explains what is happening or is going to happen. Such language engenders trust and cooperation. It does not rely on disclaimers or qualifiers.

By expressing yourself clearly and directly, you show you value your audience's time and attention. This is important when talking to people who have authority over you. They will be more likely to respond positively and have confidence in you.

While you should be clear and confident, you shouldn't be abrupt. You're trying to get them on your side, not command that they do something.

Define the benefits

You need to describe how others will benefit from helping you. This requires preparation. You should know what their interests are and what motivates them. You can describe benefits by

• reframing your position – Your language depends on your audience – its needs, concerns, values, and fears. If you're persuading your boss, you might want to frame your proposal in terms of what it can do for the company or how it will improve your department's reputation.
• thinking about both gains and losses – Benefits come in two forms – those that give you something you don't have and those that stop you losing something you do have. Highlighting both types illustrates your proposal's value. Avoid exaggeration as this could offend your audience.
• asking questions – Sometimes you need to ask questions to find out more about your colleagues' needs. Use questions that encourage reflection. Ask "What do you like about the project you're working on?" rather than "Do you like the project?" Your questions should also elicit unambiguous responses – for instance, ask "Do you agree?" instead of "OK?" Another tip is to ask "what" questions before "why" questions because asking "why" makes others defensive.
• tailoring your language – Generally, you'll be more convincing if you appeal to a person's logic and interests, rather than to an ideal. So instead of saying "This vacuum cleaner has the most powerful motor available" say "This vacuum cleaner is so powerful it can halve the amount of time you spend cleaning your floors."

Monitor your language carefully. If you choose words that don't fit the organizational or departmental culture, you may not get the results you're after.

Back up your position

You need to back up your position with compelling information. This is especially true if you have an original proposal but are in a position of lower authority. To obtain management's approval, you need evidence supporting the value of your idea.

Generally, support for your position will benefit from

• emphasizing your expertise – If you have technical experience or expertise in a specific area, say so and provide evidence for it. It shows you know what you're talking about and your colleagues may be more willing to listen to you.
• using credible sources – When you quote figures, statistics, testimony, or any other evidence, you should use credible sources. When you use statistics, investigate how the evidence was gathered to check whether it's been skewed in some way or whether another interpretation is possible. Testimonials can increase your persuasiveness when they come from sources your colleagues consider credible.
• making numbers memorable – People generally switch off when they hear large numbers and complicated statistics. A simple example of a number being made memorable is the replacement of a phrase like "34.5% of employees in this industry" with "more than one in three employees in this room."
• giving examples – Provide examples that capture the attention of the audience you're trying to influence. Examples make generalizations specific and abstractions concrete – in other words, they help you make your point.

Communicating persuasively is key to getting results when you don't have direct authority over the person you're trying to convince. Proper preparation – knowing what you want and what the other person values – is essential.

Communicating persuasively involves expressing yourself clearly and concisely – getting directly to the point, in simple and confident language. It involves defining the benefits of what you're requesting for the person you're requesting it from, rather than to yourself. And it involves backing up your position with compelling information from credible sources.

Once you have gone to the effort to make contact or to invite contact, you can do other things to improve your approachability. Your reception of other people – the behaviors you use when actually speaking to them – can have an important impact on how approachable they consider you to be.

Putting others at ease

Setting people at ease is an active and ongoing process, even with individuals who know you well. So when people speak with you, you need to be proactive in making them feel comfortable. The first thing you can do when a colleague approaches you is to stop what you're doing and pay attention.

You also make colleagues feel at ease through the following actions:

• complimenting them appropriately – Compliments can convey caring and show that you notice and appreciate a colleague's good qualities or work. However, getting too personal and giving insincere compliments are inappropriate.
• showing genuine interest – Most people enjoy conversations about absorbing topics with a good listener who shares their enthusiasm.
• being patient – You need to be patient with other people's foibles and anxieties. Offering empathy and gentle reassurances can alleviate worries, as can working through problems rather than offering unsolicited personal advice.
• being pleasant and polite – You should convey respect, warmth, and consideration toward your colleagues. Always smile and greet people. It may also be appropriate to shake hands, offer a seat, or thank someone for coming by.

Asking questions

Another way to put others at ease is to ask questions. Asking questions gives people the opportunity to share information with you and can show genuine interest, indicating you want to listen and learn more.

Not all types of questions work equally well in conversation:

• Closed-ended questions elicit just a "yes" or "no" or another very brief answer.
• Open-ended questions kindle conversation by encouraging the other person to elaborate. They work best for keeping a discussion going.
• Follow-up questions help you to learn more about what's being said because they relate to something another person has said, or something you know they are involved in.

Building rapport

Once a connection has been made, a relationship forged, and trust developed between people, rapport may then be built over time.

Listening

Listening to build rapport is an activity that requires close attention to another person and to what this person is saying. Active listening requires that you do the following:

• eliminate all distractions – Try to structure your environment to avoid being distracted – find a place to talk where you will not be disturbed during your conversation.
• focus exclusively on the speaker – Demonstrate your focus by maintaining appropriate eye contact, glancing away from the speaker only from time to time.
• listen closely for both the meaning and intent – When you listen to someone, you need to listen not only to the person's words but also to what the person means by them.
• control your own emotional reactions – If you react emotionally without hearing a person out, you can easily misunderstand the message and the motive for it.
• ask questions to clarify the message – You ask questions to clarify what a person is saying, to continue the conversation, to deepen your understanding, and to show the other person you want to learn more.
• summarize – By restating key points, you demonstrate to the speaker you've grasped the essence of what he's saying, and you give this person an opportunity to correct your misinterpretations.

Disagreement need not be a barrier to rapport. Your intention should be to understand and recognize other people's viewpoints and ideas – not necessarily to agree with them.

Harmonizing

Creating harmony is a process of matching your understanding, behavior, body language, and interests with those of others. By synchronizing yourself with other people, you create a sense of unity and companionship. Empathy is generated through this common accord, and this builds rapport. To harmonize with others, you need to find common ground and match your understanding with them. To do this, find out what perspectives, goals, and interests you have in common, and let others know you share them.

Matching others' behavior and body language to harmonize with them isn't a direct mimicking process. It's something that often happens naturally and easily when you're aware of those around you and you're responsive to them. To enhance your ability to match and thereby harmonize with others, pay attention to how they are moving and their tones of voice. Then allow yourself to mirror this behavior without identically matching each gesture or inflection.

Sharing

Sharing information about yourself and how you feel allows others to get to know more about who you are. And, as others understand you more, they tend to feel more comfortable and more free to share information about themselves. This provides a good foundation for building rapport.

To share with others and build rapport, you should be prepared to volunteer information and answer reasonable questions about your life, feelings, and interests. If you don't share with others, they may find you secretive and aloof. This will damage your rapport – they're more likely to feel guarded and nervous around you.

Good reception during conversation puts people at ease and increases your approachability. To provide this, you need to stop what you are doing and pay full attention, make people feel good about conversations they have with you, and ask appropriate questions. To help ensure people enjoy conversations with you, you can give appropriate compliments, show genuine interest in people, be pleasant and polite, and be patient with people's foibles and anxieties. One aspect of improving your approachability is developing rapport with others. Rapport enhances your approachability and is built by listening actively, harmonizing with others, and sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Communication mistakes abound in the corporate arena. One reason for this is that there's a lot of room for error. But a bigger and more insidious cause is a lack of forethought on the part of the communicator. In many companies today, there is an absence of rules governing communication etiquette, which makes it even more important to understand how to convey messages appropriately. Generally, there are three causes of communication etiquette mistakes:

• not understanding your audience
• assuming knowledge on the part of the audience
• not using the appropriate medium

Consider the following voice-mail message, in which several communication errors are made.

"Hi, everybody. This is Mike in facilities. I'm supposed to tell you how to access your mailbox from your phone. So here it is. First get your new voice-mail access number. Then dial that number, and press the message key. Press the key sign when asked for your mailbox number. When asked for your password, dial that and follow it with the number key. Okay, bye."

How would you rate the communication etiquette for Mike's telephone message? Did you think it was appropriate or inappropriate? Did you think he communicated what he wanted to, or did he fail?

While the technical details that Mike communicated to his peers were correct, he failed to anticipate other problems. Some of his peers on the receiving end of his message had the following things to say about his communication style. Their comments address the three causes of communication etiquette mistakes:

• "I think Mike gave us directions over the telephone because he doesn't understand his audience. We're a group of writers who relate best to the written word. He is more verbal, hence the telephone is his medium of choice." As you can see, Mike didn't understand his audience.
• "I'm confused by what he said about getting our 'new voice-mail access number.' What new access number, and where do we get it? There seems to be something missing in Mike's message." One of Mike's mistakes was that he assumed knowledge on the part of his audience.
• "I just couldn't understand Mike's directions. They should have been sent in an e-mail or at least distributed in paper form. That way, those of us with short memories could have read the directions as we were implementing them." In other words, Mike did not use the appropriate medium to convey his message.

Poor Mike. He's intelligent, friendly, and good at his job, and he just confused the heck out of the people he's trying to help. Obviously, there's more to communicating appropriately than simply presenting the facts. When it comes to communication etiquette, it's also necessary to understand your audience, avoid assuming your listeners have knowledge they may not have, and use the right medium.

Of course, there are other ways to spoil communication as well. For example, if you don't plan what you're going to say, conversations or meetings can wander and never touch on important points. It's also important to set a goal when communicating with others. If you fail to plan ahead and fail to set a communication goal, you will wind up confusing and aggravating others, and wasting other people's time.

While errors in communication sometimes may be unavoidable, knowing their causes will naturally lessen their occurrence. An absence of guidelines for communication etiquette doesn't mean you shouldn't worry about communicating appropriately. Instead, by being aware of the major types of communication mistakes, you can take a positive step toward communicating more effectively in your workplace.

Modern communication tools such as pagers, cell phones, and speakerphones have inundated the workplace. And why not? The cellular phone, for example, is convenient, handy in emergencies, and a productivity booster. Yet, if abused, these tools, and the people using them, can quickly incur the rage of their work mates.

Like writing and the telephone, modern communication tools such as the cell phone, the pager, and the speakerphone require a certain etiquette. To use these tools effectively, you can apply the principles of the CAGE etiquette model.

The three elements of the CAGE model are the culture of the group ("C" for culture), the audience that will receive the message ("A" for audience), and your communication goal ("G" for goal). Therefore, you can think of the CAGE model as culture + audience + goal = etiquette (C + A + G = E). When using the CAGE model, you assess the culture of the company, department, or group; evaluate the audience you're targeting with your message; and identify the goal you hope to achieve with your message to determine the proper communication techniques to use.

Experts claim that there are currently more than 200 million users of wireless communication devices worldwide. Is it possible that any one set of etiquette rules applies to this international base? Probably not. In the absence of a hard-and-fast code, the CAGE model provides a way to make intelligent decisions about these and other forms of modern communication tools. Using the CAGE model involves the following steps:

• Culture – Consider the culture in which you plan to use your communication tool. Is your cell phone appropriate for the time and place? Three key aspects of a company's culture are its level of formality, its hierarchy, and its priorities.
• Audience – Consider your audience. What type of information does it need? What type is it expecting? Audiences typically expect to receive either information, an explanation, training, or entertainment.
• Goal – Think about your communication goal. The four main types of goals are informing, persuading, building a team, and training.

In addition, there is a special audience consideration when it comes to modern communication tools: How do the audience members feel about this tool? Can they use it? Do they consider it appropriate? Are they comfortable using it? It's important that you consider these factors when making an etiquette decision.

Once you've evaluated the company, department, or group according to the CAGE model, ask yourself what the proper etiquette would be when communicating with the group. For example, if you're communicating for the first time with a group of executives who work in remote offices, and who consider time a top priority, you might want to meet with them as a group using a speakerphone.

In some cases, it may be easier to determine the needs and expectations of your audience than it is the culture of your workplace. In these cases, all you need to do is to ask the person with whom you're communicating about his or her preferences or ask someone else in the company who would be able to help you.

Modern communication tools, such as pagers, cell phones, and speakerphones, have an etiquette all their own. However, by applying the CAGE model to those work situations in which you're not quite sure what the proper etiquette might be, you can ensure that you use the proper communication tools in each situation.

Being assertive at work is advantageous in many ways. It's never necessary to become aggressive to express your opinion or to get what you want. When communicating assertively, you speak honestly and in a straightforward manner, show respect for the person you're interacting with, and use assertive body language.

Even if you're being assertive, someone may fail to respond. If you've met all the requirements for an assertive communication and your message still doesn't get through to the other person, you can follow four steps to incrementally escalate the power of your assertiveness:

1. repeat what you've said – By repeating what you've said assertively, you give the other person a second chance to respond in an appropriate way. This person may not have heard you the first time or may not have been listening fully. Sometimes it helps to emphasize certain words.
2. reframe your request or statement as a directive – In some cases, a colleague or someone you manage at work may ignore an assertive request. You should then consider rephrasing your request or statement so that it sounds more like a command. This gives more power to your request.
3. add emotion to what you say – If someone doesn't respond to a directive, if appropriate, you should then include emotion in your statements so that the listener knows you're serious.
4. add consequences – A consequence isn't a threat – it's a statement of what will happen if the person doesn't respond. For example "If you don't get me the data, it'll delay production and I'll have to report this to the line manager" is a valid response to someone who fails to submit information you need to do your job. Chances are you will not reach this step in the escalation process because one of the earlier steps will prompt a response. The consequence you outline should be plausible to ensure that it's taken seriously. You should also be prepared to implement the consequence if the other person still doesn't respond.

You should make sure you use the steps only when appropriate and only in sequence. For example, it's only appropriate to issue a directive if a person has already failed to respond to a request. If you use a directive when you don't need to, a colleague may take offense and your behavior may be seen as pushy.

It's appropriate to outline a consequence only if you've already attempted the first three steps. When you add a consequence, you still give the other person a chance to respond in the appropriate way. But if you actually implement a consequence without stating it in advance, it can come across as aggressive and unfair – and may alienate the listener.

To incrementally escalate the power of your assertiveness if you fail to get an appropriate response, you should start by repeating your request. Then rephrase it as a directive, add emotion, and finally, outline a consequence that will occur if the listener still fails to respond.