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Self Improvement

Rebuilding Trust If You've Betrayed It

The four qualities of a trustworthy person are competence, dependability, honesty, and consideration. If you've made a mistake and betrayed a coworker's trust, you're going to have to take specific steps to remedy that. But as you do, keep in mind that from now on it's doubly important that you exhibit trustworthy qualities.

Qualities of a trustworthy person:

  1. competence – Competent people display strong skills, have confidence, acknowledge when they don't know something, and are willing to learn.
  2. dependability – Dependable people aren't afraid to ask for clarification, they're clear about what they'll do, and they reliably deliver on their promises.
  3. honesty – Honest people avoid inaccuracies and omissions, they're consistent, and they set up realistic expectations.
  4. consideration – Considerate people find common interests, listen to others, and think about what they say and do before speaking or acting.

Organizations are built on the assumption that people can work together – that they can rely on each other for help and advice, get honest answers to questions, and give and receive feedback that improves performance. The assumptions people rely on are based on trust – trust in the organization, in management, and in coworkers. Trust allows people to focus on doing their jobs. A person who has been betrayed is unlikely to completely trust the betrayer again, and may have some issues with trusting others in the workplace as well. The betrayed person's work will be impacted, but so will the betrayer's. Others in the workplace will be affected as well.

Acknowledging the betrayal

Betraying someone's trust – either accidentally or knowingly – doesn't have to be the end of the relationship.

There are three steps to rebuild trust effectively:

  1. acknowledge the betrayal – acknowledge the betrayal with the victim as soon as possible after the incident
  2. apologize – apologize thoroughly, explain what happened, show your remorse, and demonstrate that you know what you did and what the effect was
  3. make restitution – make restitution; back up your apology with concrete actions to try to make it up to the person as best as you can

There are two things a person you've betrayed wants from you – your acknowledgement of what you've done, and a sincere apology. One without the other is of little use. For example, you might say "I'm really sorry for whatever it is you think I've done," but this kind of apology won't do anything to restore and rebuild trust. You're saying that you're sorry, but that you don't know what you did and apparently don't care enough to find out.

In order to effectively acknowledge the betrayal, you first need to understand what you've done to betray the other person. To do this, you need to put yourself in the other person's place and try to fully understand the nature of your betrayal. To fully understand, you'll need to consider other points of view. You also need to consider the damage you've done to your mutual relationship, the harm you've caused the other person, and the effect your actions have had on the workplace.

When trying to rebuild trust, it's important to quickly acknowledge the betrayal and apologize as soon as possible. By quickly acknowledging the harm and demonstrating your understanding, you will show consideration for what the other person is going through. Any delay simply causes more problems for the betrayed person. The victim of your actions will probably be preoccupied with trying to understand and explain your betrayal. Leaving the person to wonder what really happened and worry over the future will just make matters worse.

It's important to own up to the damage you've caused and avoid downplaying the betrayal in any way. Say for example you've failed to complete a task on time, and now the project you're working on with a coworker will fail to meet its due date. The betrayal may seem slight to you and so you may start your apology with "I realize I made us a little late." You've been a little late many times before, and it's never caused any major problems. But what if your coworker has never missed a due date in a 20-year career? From that point of view, the betrayal may be far more significant. You've just ruined the spotless record your coworker has worked hard to maintain. Your weak acknowledgment may just make the situation worse.

Apologizing

The second step in rebuilding trust is to apologize for the betrayal. An apology is more than just saying "I'm sorry." An apology expresses sincere regret about the harm you've caused the victim of your betrayal. Acknowledging the full scope of the damage sets the stage for the apology. The apology then sets the stage for healing to begin. It opens up the possibility of rebuilding trust.

Making restitution

At a minimum, your apology carries an implied promise not to repeat the same actions in the future. Explicitly stating this is an even better approach. However, your attempts to rebuild trust shouldn't stop there. Attempting to make restitution in some way can send an important message to the person you've betrayed. It indicates that your relationship is very important and that you're willing to make an extra effort to try and repair the damage.

Making restitution may take many different forms. You may try to help fix whatever problem your betrayal created for the other person. Or, you might promise to go above and beyond the call of duty in the future to make up for a recent deficiency. Whatever form it takes, a key to making restitution is following through with your promise. Rebuilding trust is a process that requires effort over the long term.

From the point of view of the betrayer, rebuilding trust requires a three-step approach. Attempts to mend broken relationships should start with an immediate acknowledgement of the actions and the impacts related to the betrayal. This demonstrates you fully understand what you've done.

Once you've communicated that you understand and accept the responsibility for the betrayal, you can apologize. The apology must be sincere, and you should avoid making excuses.

To drive home your commitment to repairing the relationship, you complete the third step, which is to try to make restitution for what you've done.

Finding Opportunities To Make Connections

There are many reasons to seek out networking opportunities:

  • access information – Attending a networking event is an excellent opportunity to keep up to date with the latest developments in your business sector. For example, a software developer attending an engineering convention will naturally meet other developers, but is unlikely to gain new clients. It may give you the chance to meet others who can act as a professional resource for you. Peers you develop a strong connection with can mentor you, and share experiences to help you overcome problems they've encountered.
  • pursue new clients – Some networking events allow you to meet current and potential clients face-to-face. It may be a good idea to meet some of these prospects outside normal business settings. You could, for example, organize a round of golf, attend a sporting event, or invite someone to lunch to talk informally and build trust with your potential clients.
  • develop career – To develop your career, you should consider becoming an active learner. Take a class or attend a seminar to expand your knowledge of a particular business subject. Not only will you develop on a personal level, you can also use these sessions to network with people who share the same interests and goals.

Networking opportunities

There are four common networking opportunities you can use to build your reputation and develop your business connections. First, there's what can be called internal networking. You can always network within your own company. Second, there are professional organizations you could join. Third, there are trade shows or conferences you could attend. And finally, you could use virtual networking to reach an even wider global audience.

Internal networking

The first networking opportunity is internal networking within your own organization. The idea is to build relationships there that can make you more effective in your job and help your organization meet its goals more easily. Networking doesn't always involve seeking external contacts and assistance. By building up relationships with your colleagues at work, you create a pool of talent, skills, and experience that can be drawn on to everyone's benefit.

Professional organizations

The second networking opportunity you can use is to join a professional organization. No matter what your level of experience, you may occasionally need expert advice and mentoring to help you reach your goals. Professional associations can help you establish the necessary network to access vital information and support.

Professional associations can be aimed at a wide range of management levels, such as managing directors, administrators, and executives. Members of a particular association may also include businesspeople from different industries. For example, an association for the self-employed could consist of businesspeople with engineering, retail, or marketing backgrounds.

Professional associations are often affiliated with academic institutions, which may offer members insights into business sectors based on the latest research. They may also sponsor conventions and conferences connected with a particular industry. Joining an association can give you access to information on the latest trends, international standards, and best practices. Remember that networking is a two-way process that should benefit both parties, so try to share your own expertise with members of an association. When deciding which association to join, you should first create a list of possible associations, then do your research to find out which of these are the most suitable.

Trade show and conferences

The third networking opportunity you can make use of is trade shows and conferences. These events are usually linked to specific industry sectors, and provide opportunities – both as an exhibitor and as an attendee – to make connections with people related to your profession. Attending conferences is not just about swapping business cards and rubbing shoulders with your peers; it's about building a quality network of new contacts and business prospects.

Before attending a trade show or conference, there are several networking tips to consider:

  1. Make a list – Before you attend the trade show or conference, find out who'll be exhibiting or speaking. Then make a list of the companies or people who you think will be most relevant to your business area.
  2. Prepare by researching – After you know who'll be attending, learn as much as you can about the people or companies you'd like to speak to the most. Think about what you want to ask them, and prepare questions in advance to help stimulate conversations.
  3. Get contact details – If attendees are unable to answer your questions, make sure to get their contact details so you can remind them later of any issues you had. Look through business cards and pamphlets for contact details of people or companies that you would like to add to your network. It may be a good idea to record details such as web sites, e-mail addresses, and phone numbers in a contacts database for future reference.
  4. Follow up on new contacts – Don't forget to follow up quickly with any new contacts you've made. For prospective new clients or other important contacts, set up an appointment so you can talk in greater detail later. You can then use this opportunity to demonstrate how your relationship can be mutually beneficial. You should also follow up with other attendees that you're unlikely to rely upon in the future. Send an e-mail or letter thanking them for their time and input.

Virtual networking

Virtual networking is the fourth kind of networking opportunity. Online social media is increasingly being used by professionals as a means of easily finding and sharing information. It can also have an immediate impact on your business by offering a global audience an insight into your company's services and products.

Two popular networking web sites are Facebook and LinkedIn. Both of these services allow you to establish your own personal profile, which can help you make a connection with new contacts. Some social networking web sites also allow you to join or create groups directly related to your skillset or business sector. These groups can offer support and advice, and even help you brainstorm new ideas. In addition to joining groups, you'll have access to a list of connections through contacts in your own group. You can ask people in your group to refer you to other contacts, and help extend your existing network. Keep in mind, however, that you should manage and check the value of each of your online contacts. Try to limit your contacts to those you have meaningful relationships with – connections who you regularly network with, or who share your values.

Virtual networking sites offer you a chance to tell your story. Details about your educational background, previous projects, and former employers can all add to your credibility. Try to include as many professional details as possible. An incomplete or vague profile may send out a negative message – others may believe that you're not contributing anything useful, and are only using the site to look up other people. Try to participate actively in group discussions by making a positive contribution through your input. However, remember that anything you include in your profile is available in a public environment. Be respectful of other people's privacy, and don't share any confidential information that may be detrimental to your past or current employers. Make sure to adapt your profile to an online audience – use an upbeat, user-friendly tone to generate interest in you and your organization. Spend some time proofreading your profile, and avoid using management jargon, which may appear too formal or impersonal.

Networking can help you access new information, pursue prospective clients, and develop personally and professionally. There are several different networking opportunities you can avail yourself of to help build your reputation and work more effectively. Internal networking can help you develop strong relationships with your colleagues. Joining professional associations can provide a network of contacts you can rely on for support, advice, and mentorship. Attending trade shows and conferences may give you access to industry-specific information and to people who share the same goals and values as you. Finally, virtual networking is a low-cost and high-impact way of reaching out to new contacts, and can help you keep track of former colleagues and the latest industry trends.

What makes a person angry

What makes a person angry in a specific instance may be any combination of causes. But generally, anger is driven by a sense that one's value or self-worth is being threatened. For example, anger can be triggered by feelings of betrayal, humiliation, and exploitation. This points to the importance of respect in all your workplace interactions.

There are five causes of anger that seem to be commonly noted across many different business environments:

  • dissatisfaction with the system
  • unequal treatment
  • hindered goals
  • dissimilar values
  • hierarchical relationships

Dissatisfaction with the system

Dissatisfaction with the system is a predominant cause of anger in the workplace. If you find you or your colleagues tend to blame "the system," it's a pretty good indicator that something's wrong with the way things are being done in your organization. Dissatisfaction with the system is hard to resolve; it will take time and dedication to find solutions and defuse the anger that's generated because of it.

In most cases, the source of dissatisfaction with the system is factors that are beyond your control, which then leads to anger. Three typical factors that lead to dissatisfaction with the system are increased competition, the size of the organization, and higher performance expectations.

Unequal treatment

It's natural to compare yourself to others in the workplace. Often, this comparison is based on a "give-and-get" ratio. You give things like hard work, education, or talent. In return, you get monetary reward, promotions, and recognition. But when you discover inequality between your give-and-get ratio in comparison to others, it may make you angry – especially if a coworker is giving less than you, but getting more. Unequal treatment is another common cause of anger in the workplace.

Hindered goals

Hindered goals are another typical source of anger in the workplace. Achieving goals is typically equated with being successful at work. Performance reviews, salary increases, promotions, respect, and recognition are usually goal related and impact a person's career. When efforts to achieve goals are hindered, it can cause anger because of the potential for it to negatively impact careers.

Goals are likely to be hindered when one person or group's goals differ from those of another person or group. And in larger organizations, this tends to be the norm rather than the exception.

For instance, while working toward long-term organizational goals, the goals of departments and individuals within the organization may differ. However, short-term goals are even more likely to be divergent, and therefore offer even more opportunity for them to be hindered and cause anger.

Dissimilar values

Another cause of workplace anger is dissimilar values. Unlike personal values, which are typically dissimilar, professional values are commonly shared and considered important within work environments. When these values are disrespected or disregarded, it can make people angry.

The most commonly shared workplace values are competency, hard work, and integrity. When these values are shared, employees are likely to be able to work productively and harmoniously. In contrast, when individuals perceive a disregard or violation of these values it can cause anger.

Hierarchical relationships

The final cause of anger in the workplace is the hierarchical work structure that exists in most every business. In hierarchical relationships, each successively higher level has control over the level below. It's quite natural for subordinates to be susceptible to the actions of their superiors – and anger is common in this relationship.

This may be because subordinates don't have full control over their livelihoods – they depend on employers for the means of making a living. Superiors have a lot of control over what and how subordinates do their jobs, which makes many individuals susceptible to fear. Fear combined with a lack of control will often escalate into anger, especially if superiors abuse their power or treat their subordinates with disrespect.

The five common causes of workplace anger are dissatisfaction with the system, unequal treatment, hindered goals, dissimilar values, and hierarchical relationships. These causes of anger aren't mutually exclusive - they can work in combination. Dissatisfaction with the system generally prevents workers from doing their jobs properly and stems from issues beyond their control. Unequal treatment makes people angry because they think others are getting more from the give-and-get ratio. Hindered goals are a trigger for anger because goals are a measure of success in the workplace. When commonly held work values are treated with disrespect or disregard, dissimilar values can cause anger. Finally, hierarchical work relationships can cause anger, especially if those with power treat subordinates with disrespect or abuse that power.

Balancing Your Work Life and Private Life

People often become consumed with professional activities – making the presentation, finishing the programming, and preparing for the meeting. They get so involved with the everyday demands of their professions that their personal lives suffer. Many of these people start to think they need to balance their work responsibilities with the demands of their private lives.

Luckily, there's a simple technique to help you balance the demands of the various aspects of your life. The technique has three tasks:

  • identify your current responsibilities by listing and analyzing the demands made on you both at work and at home – Before you can achieve a healthy balance, you need to list all the demands from your family, home, and social life, as well as all the work responsibilities you have to carry out. Identify all your roles, the demands of those roles, and the time you need to meet those demands. Remember to factor in some time for yourself!
  • compare the work and home demands to find out if any are incompatible – After the two areas of demands in your life are written out, you can analyze your current roles to figure out if they work together or not. Figure out which of the work demands are compatible and incompatible with the home demands. Of course, part of examining incompatibilities is to add up all the time estimates and decide if the whole list can actually fit into the time you have available.
  • find solutions to prioritize demands and resolve any conflicts – If you feel your life getting out of balance, take some time to consider what's most important to you. Unimportant tasks often get done simply because they're right in front of you, demanding your time and attention. Prioritizing the demands on your time will help you recognize what's truly important to you and what's just sucking away your time, energy, and attention. Having priorities helps you set clear personal and professional goals and streamline your life to include only what is important in helping you reach those goals.

Demands and conflicts

After you've compared the demands on your time with your available energy and resources, it's time to find solutions to any incompatibilities. Be as imaginative as you can. Review the routine tasks you do daily, and ask "What if they weren't done at all?" Try to let go of perfectionist tendencies about how things should be, and think of splitting up the demands so they're more manageable.

  • At home, you could consider asking for help with the children from an extended family member, carpooling for yourself or your kids, paying for help from a babysitter or nanny, or hiring a house cleaner. Work out what you could delegate, how much it might cost to do so, and how much time to allow for things you want to do yourself.
  • At work, search for ways to eliminate time stealers by using technology, decluttering your office, and saying "no" to requests that don't fit in with your overall goals. Set reasonable deadlines for projects, and consider asking your boss for flexibility with your work schedule.

Investigate any options your company may already offer. Some companies have existing work/life balance programs:

  • Childcare is the most prevalent work/life program, ranging from onsite day care and preschools, and before- and after-school care, to tutoring and college planning.
  • Elder care assistance can take the form of resources or referral programs that may include dependent care spending accounts. Or help can come in the form of day care or hospice care, home health and nutrition services, transportation, or retirement planning.
  • The most common flexible scheduling work options are flex-time, part-time employment, work-at-home options, job sharing, and compressed work weeks.
  • Onsite personal services are becoming more prevalent at workplaces. Types of onsite personal service include ATMs, travel services, dry cleaners, pet services, and exercise facilities.

Of course, no one lives in an ideal world. Life is always a trade-off to some extent. Looking at your lists may reveal the uncomfortable truth that, for example, your career and your relationships are both very important to you, but are in conflict with each other. But just recognizing this fact is valuable, and will compel you to try to strike the right balance between the two.

To establish a balance in your life, you need to review the various demands and responsibilities you have, both at work and at home. Then you need to determine your priorities and figure out a way to accommodate all the important things you need and want to do. Start by identifying the demands you face. Then decide if any of them are compatible already. Identify changes that can help you, whether they come in the form of childcare and home help options or changes to your work life.

Techniques of gaining influence

Common trade objects in business relate to people's ability to do their jobs. Several common types of trade objects include:

  • task-related
  • career-related
  • relationship-related
  • inspiration-related

Task-related trades

Task-related trade objects help you get a job done. You're probably able to recall many task-related trade objects, but these are the most common:

  • assistance with existing tasks or projects
  • information that can help with a job
  • more challenge to improve skills
  • new resources to assist with a task or project
  • organizational support for a job, and
  • rapid response to help speed up a job

Assistance

Most people have tasks or jobs they'd like to be rid of or at least receive help with. Assistance can also mean providing products or services to another department. To make this trade valuable, the department providing the services or products may need to learn about and adjust to the receiving department's needs.

Information

People value knowledge that helps them excel If you have access to such knowledge, you may be able to use it as a trade object. To increase your opportunities of using this type of trade, you should cultivate relationships, stay informed, and gain as much experience the organization as possible.

Challenge

Challenge is valued because it improves skills and gives people opportunities to prove themselves. If you have a boss who likes a challenge, you might consider sharing difficult work-related problems with him.

New resources

If resources are in short supply, or an employee desperately needs something specific to reach a goal, then new resources are extremely valuable. These can take the form of an increased budget, additional employees, or new equipment.

Organizational support

If someone is trying to push a proposal or complete a difficult project, an endorsement from a superior or a trusted colleague can give him a much-needed boost. A bold idea, initially poorly received, could be used as currency for a future favor if given a well-placed word.

Rapid response

Helping colleagues jump a waiting list or get what they want quickly is excellent currency. If you're in a position to allocate company resources and ensure a certain manager gets what he needs, he might offer you needed assistance.

Career-related trades

Career-related trade objects may not appeal to others' immediate needs. They're intended to improve their career, either by making them look good or by offering something tangible toward that end. They include

  • improved reputation
  • increased recognition
  • a chance to feel important
  • opportunity to make contacts
  • a chance to be on the "inside"

Improved reputation

A good reputation is the result of positive recognition. It's immensely valuable as a trade object. Just as a good reputation can open doors, a bad reputation can limit a person's growth.

Increased recognition

If you manage employees, it always pays to spread credit. For example, you might influence someone to help you on a project if you state that a key manager is interested in the result and will take notice of those involved.

Chance to feel important

A secretary whose work goes largely unnoticed despite her keeping her department running smoothly may find this a valuable trade object. A mention of her contribution at a monthly meeting might give her motivation to continue doing excellent work.

Opportunity to make contacts

Opportunities to make contacts are valuable because they help you create a network of people who can be approached when needed for mutually helpful interactions.

Chance to be on the "inside"

Being part of an inner circle provides access to information and contacts. It also entails inclusion in making important decisions and planning, which boosts recognition.

Relationship-related trades

Relationship-related trade objects have more to do with strengthening a relationship than accomplishing tasks. They include

  • acceptance
  • understanding, and
  • personal support

Acceptance

Some individuals value a sense of inclusion – a feeling that they're close to others. Though this doesn't mean they place this type of closeness over task-related trade objects, they won't find it easy to deal with people who're not warm and accepting.

Understanding

Understanding and sympathy may be valued by anyone feeling stressed, isolated, or lacking support. Being able to provide an impartial ear to someone in need is a rare skill and can be used as currency.

Personal support

Having others' support is valuable, particularly at difficult times. If a colleague in your department is feeling stressed, he's likely to appreciate and remember a kind gesture, such as asking how he's doing, or making a thoughtful comment.

Inspiration-related trades

Inspiration-related trade objects focus on inspirational goals that offer meaning to work. They include

  • achieving greater vision
  • doing something well, and
  • doing the right thing

Achieving greater vision

If you're able to paint an exciting vision of your organization's future, you can inspire others to help you achieve it. An inspiring vision can overcome objections and inconvenience by those you need help from.

Do something well

Many people want to excel at their job, so giving them the opportunity to demonstrate their skill is highly motivating. Offering your colleagues a chance to perform quality work can be a valuable trade object when you need their cooperation.

Do the right thing

A lot of people want to live their lives according to standards at odds with those of their job. If you can get others to perform tasks that give them the feeling they're doing the right thing, you may find they're willing to help you.

The give and take of reciprocal relationships is a part of everyday life, including that in organizations.

You can identify trade objects for reciprocity by the type of reward they offer the recipient. Task-related trade objects relate to something immediate that will help recipients get their jobs done. Career-related trade objects help the recipients enhance their careers. Relationship-related trade objects help recipients strengthen useful or beneficial relationships, and inspiration-related trade objects help provide meaning for the work the recipients do.

Gettiing the things done using effective give-and-take strategy

If you want to influence your colleagues to do something, you need to do something for them or give them something they value. In short, exchange is the foundation of influence. To develop an effective give-and-take strategy to influence others, then, you should

  • determine your needs
  • consider your relationship
  • determine the other person's needs, and
  • identify the resources you can offer

Determine your needs

Before you elicit help from someone, you should know what you need. You should ask yourself several questions when you consider your needs:

  • What are my primary goals in seeking this person's cooperation?
  • Are my goals short-term or long-term?
  • Are my goals "needs" or just "nice-to-haves"?
  • Is my priority to accomplish a goal or is it to preserve or improve my relationship with this person?

It's important to separate your personal desires from what you actually need. You do this so that you don't forget your task goals or prevent yourself from listening to the needs of others. You don't need to deny all your personal desires – just make sure you're clear on your priorities.

It's important to be flexible in how you achieve your primary goals. Flexibility may lead you to solutions that are better than those you envisioned. As a rule, you should hold on to the essence of your goal, but be open to alternatives as you work with others whose cooperation you need.

Considering your relationship

If you have a good relationship with your colleague, it's usually easier to make your request. However, if you're on bad terms, you may need to ease into the request. For particularly strained relationships, it's better to first resolve the tension.

Awareness of your current relationship with your colleagues can help you choose the right way to address them. This awareness can open you to developing a more positive way of approaching him.

Work style

Different people work in different ways. Some favor creativity and lack of structure, while others are statistically-minded, preferring detailed analysis of a situation. You need to know their preferred style, as well as your own, so you can approach them in a way that's most appealing to their taste. And remember – if you aren't aware of your style, it can keep you from considering other possible approaches and hinder your ability to connect.

Background and personality

Each person has unique history, values, preferences, and goals. Consider how your personality and background relates to your colleagues. This will help you better understand your current relationship and how you might develop a future relationship with them.

Determining the other person's needs

In addition to knowing your own needs, you must consider

  • your colleagues' tasks and responsibilities – including deadlines – which will impact their willingness to help you
  • who your colleagues interact with at work – because everyone they deal with will create pressures that affect the way they look at problems and requests
  • how your colleagues' performance is measured and rewarded – because they're more likely to help you if it boosts their own work, and
  • your colleagues' career aspirations – because if you can offer something that advances their career, they're more likely to help you

To find this information, you can

  • do research
  • ask, and
  • observe behavior

When "asking" and "observing behavior," it's important to be aware of clues that your colleagues may reveal. These clues may show you what's important to them. Clues may come from

  • body language
  • choice of words
  • tone, and
  • the types of concerns raised

Body language

Sometimes body language can communicate more than words express. It's useful to pay attention to body language so that you can respond appropriately to it. Watch for facial expressions, physical gestures, and posture that may indicate a negative attitude.

Choice of words

The language people use can reveal a lot about what's important to them. For example, managers who come from sporting backgrounds may use sports-related phrases when they speak. Or business analysts whose bonus is heavily dependent on key performance indicators may pepper their sentences with the term "KPI."

Tone

You can pick up a lot about people's thoughts by the tone of voice, volume, and the rate at which they speak. For example, if a particular work task doesn't inspire someone, you may well hear the disinterest in this person's voice. Or, if the person is discussing an issue he feels sensitive about, he might lower the volume so that others don't hear.

Types of concerns raised

People will often voice their concerns directly, saying things like "I'm worried about the costs" or "The marketing people won't agree to that." You should view these statements as indicators of what's important to someone.

Taking a direct approach and asking people about their interests, values, and concerns can offer benefits. People want to explain themselves and their situation. Moreover, sincerity and directness in your inquiry creates openness and trust in the relationship.

Identifying your resources

To make that fair trade with people you need help from, you should identify the resources that may be valuable to them. You want to find something that is acceptable and valuable enough to motivate them to give you what you need.

The resources you are able to offer has to be something you possess or have direct access to. To influence people to do something for you, you need to do something for them or give them something they value.

To develop an effective give-and-take strategy, you take four steps – determine exactly what your needs are, consider your relationship with the other person, determine the needs of the other person, and identify the resources you have on offer.

Etiquette of office romances

Office romances have become a fact of office life in the contemporary business world. With more women in the work force than ever before, and with co-workers sharing the same space 8, 10, or 12 hours a day, mutual attractions are bound to develop. If you find yourself in a romantic situation you can't resist, you should be aware of some common-sense yet oft-violated rules. Details about the etiquette of office romances are provided here.

Starting a relationship with someone from the office

The first step in any romance can be tricky, but it's much more complicated when the person who is the object of your affection works in the same office with you. You'd like to ask the other person out, and there's no policy at your company that forbids co-worker dating, yet you're unsure of how to proceed. Would discreet flirting, just to get a feel for the situation, be tacky? What about a more direct approach?

It's best to put off any move until you know the person. Once you do, it may be possible to predict the person's response, which could save both of you some discomfort. But if you get a good feeling about the situation, go ahead and invite him or her out for lunch.

If the person you're interested in flirts with you or seems open to such advancements, it's acceptable to flirt. Just make sure it's done discreetly. But if your attempt is met with a cold shoulder, get the clue and drop the matter altogether.

One key word to respect after you've asked a co-worker for a date is "No." This means no more asking, no more hanging around the other person's cubicle, no more prolonged eye contact. On the other hand, if you're asked out by a co-worker who you have no interest in dating, be honest in telling that person how you feel without being offensive. That is the best way to put an end to the situation quickly and avoid repeated requests.

Dating someone from the office

So you finally got up the nerve to ask your co-worker out for dinner, and he or she said "Yes!" And then you went out again and then another time. Now it's been several weeks or months. Work is so much more enjoyable than it used to be. You feel energized and everything seems right with the world.

However, during this period of time, you need to exercise caution and restraint. Be especially aware of how you and your partner are behaving in the office. Don't flaunt the relationship, be discreet, and behave professionally and respectfully in all office situations. Just as important, both you and your partner should ensure that your romance does not affect your ability to get your jobs done. Make an extra effort to apply yourselves to your work and to conduct yourselves in a way that demonstrates this.

When the relationship dissolves

Sadly, not all relationships work, and that includes the office romance. Now what do you do? It hurts, especially so because you must still see your former partner every day. On top of that, you might be a little angry, but don't let this affect the way you do your job. Remember that open hostilities can damage the department's atmosphere – and possibly your careers.

The best way to handle a dissolving relationship is to keep it to yourself. No doubt the thing you may want to do the most is talk about your troubles. Unfortunately, that's the last thing you should do in the office. Spare your peers the grisly details and your darker moods. Your co-workers will appreciate it and admire your forbearance. You might want to consider taking a few days off to collect yourself, especially if you're truly devastated by the situation and feel your office behavior just won't be up to par. Most of all, be civil, try to keep your relationship with your ex-partner on an even keel, and ignore discourtesies.

Despite the relaxed attitude toward office romances compared to eras past, romance in the workplace still requires a keen understanding of the proper etiquette. The last thing you want to do is alienate the people you work with. Should you find yourself in an office romance, be sure to exercise common sense and follow the rules of etiquette.

Explore how reframing enables you to think differently about organizational change.

It's often easy to identify the downside in change. But the problem with this type of attitude is that it doesn't help you face the future. Change won't go away, so you need to adopt a positive perspective to better come to terms with it.

A creative strategy named "reframing" allows you to gain a more positive perspective on change. First you identify current beliefs and values around a particular issue – your frame of reference for dealing with a particular situation.

You then step back to notice the underlying attitude that colors your beliefs and values. You consciously adjust this attitude and adopt a different mindset with regards to the change.

Reframing attitudes toward change

Old patterns of response can keep you in a resistant state of mind. To move ahead in life, you sometimes need to learn new ways to think and respond to your environment. Suppose you notice you're resisting change. Notice how you express your negative reaction in thought and words. Perhaps you're in a meeting and you realize you're thinking "This is a waste of my time." When you think this, you no longer listen and you stop contributing to the meeting.

When you reframe your thoughts to "What can I learn here and what can I offer?" your experience of the meeting changes to match these thoughts. Suddenly you find you have something to learn and to offer. The meeting no longer feels like a waste of time at all.

You can apply reframing in most situations where you find yourself thinking negative thoughts. "This is too difficult," becomes "Some of this is easy, and the difficult stuff is interesting." "I'm not experienced enough," becomes "I'm keen to learn." "My manager is being over-critical," becomes "My manager is helping me to achieve more."

Practical positives

Reframing works well for dealing with organizational change. You may never get to the point where you like the change, or would have chosen it yourself, but it can help you make peace with change. It can be an important step in the transition from passive acceptance to actively embracing change.

To reframe your thoughts about organizational change, search for its potential practical and emotional benefits. These are ways in which change might improve your professional situation in the short or long term. For example, if your company lays off employees, you may discover ways in which your career will benefit directly. It may give you work opportunities that wouldn't otherwise have been available.

If you have to learn new skills and processes, you may stand to gain specific skills or knowledge to advance your career. For example, perhaps you'll learn to use new software or receive more formal training.

Explore the specific ways in which these benefits may be valuable and how you can make the most of them.

The future is uncertain so reframing isn't about identifying things that are bound to happen. It's about focusing on possible benefits you think change has a good chance of producing.

Emotional positives

Searching for emotionally positive benefits is an important way of reframing your situation. This helps you make peace with organizational change and perhaps even become enthusiastic about what it has to offer.

Positive emotional outcomes are ways in which your emotional state improves as a result of change. A change at work may help you to feel happier, more contented, or more fulfilled.

Remember, new responsibilities or working with other colleagues can be exciting and fulfilling. Think about current duties or colleagues who have a negative emotional impact on you. Then consider potential changes that might have a positive emotional impact and enable you to do more.

Negative colleagues – natural pessimists or those who are unsupportive of you – can have a negative effect on your emotional state. So too can tasks that you find unstimulating or overfamiliar. You reframe your emotions about these colleagues or tasks when you focus on the positive emotional benefit which comes from escaping such negative influences.

You know which work you find particularly enjoyable or stimulating. Perhaps you are, or could be, really good at it. Change may allow you to spend more time on it, so work becomes more pleasurable.

Reframing allows you to gain a more positive perspective on change. This strategy helps you to step back so you can notice the underlying attitude that colors your beliefs and values. You can then consciously adjust these and re-think the situation more positively.

You can reframe a negative attitude about change by focusing on potential practical and emotional benefits the change may bring.

Discover ways to proactively capitalize on new opportunities after change

When you're proactive about organizational change, you regain a sense of control and can get the passion back into your work life.

Regain a sense of control

By defining your new role in the change process, you gain a real say in what you do at work. Taking initiative helps you feel more in control and decisive action helps you regain some control in your working life.

Get the passion back

If your work life has lost its sense of fun and excitement, you can get the passion back by proactively capitalizing on organizational change. To do this, explore the activities that bring you stimulation, inspiration, and pleasure. Notice what you enjoy doing now. Then actively use the new opportunities to steer your career toward these activities.

Reinventing yourself

Reinventing yourself means expanding your ideas of who you are and redefining what you're capable of achieving. If you don't reinvent yourself, you're likely to stagnate at a lower level of responsibility than you're capable of. If you have a narrow definition of what you can do, others buy into it. Open yourself to change, growth, and opportunity, and you show others you're ready for a new challenge.

You need to disengage from your old professional identity and from your routines and established ways of doing things. Disengagement is about letting go of your old organizational role and self-definitions at work and focusing on your new role. However, it's not simply about setting everything aside indiscriminately. Rather, you need to assess yourself, review your past experiences, and consciously decide what aspects of your role and identity you want to keep and what to discard. You can then integrate old and new qualities to function better in your new context.

To reinvent yourself, ask yourself

  • What aspects of my professional identity, ways of doing things, and routines should I disengage from when my role changes?
  • What new possibilities inspire me?
  • What new capabilities will help me succeed and how can I develop them?
  • How do I integrate old and new definitions of myself and my capabilities?

Realigning career goals

Clear goals, objectives, and strategies are essential to changing dreams into reality. Your former job may have been very well aligned with your strengths, values, and priorities. But the post-change reality may no longer be such a comfortable fit. If this is the case, organizational change may force you to revise your career.

When your career changes, your daily activities change, which is disruptive. Your priorities, values, and sources of fulfillment at work could be thrown into question. Each of these may need to be redefined, modified, or reassessed. If your career isn't integrated with the changes you experience, you may feel out of control and unhappy.

To integrate and express your personal priorities, values, and sources of fulfillment, you need to examine them and ask yourself how – and if – you would like to amend them. Proactively investigate whether new positions have been created or old ones modified in ways that are compatible with your goals and passions.

Creating career plans

Once you've identified your career goals, you need to create a flexible career plan that you can review and redraft, as necessary. A career plan allows you to explore your professional ambitions, your strategies to achieve them, and what actions you need to take.

As your role in your organization changes, your career plan helps you to contextualize the transition in terms of your career goals. This places a more positive spin on your transition experience. Although each career plan is unique, the structure should always include

  1. an ideal work description – Think about what your ideal job would be like. When you have a description of your ideal work or job, you can use it as a benchmark for your career plans.
  2. long and short term goal statements – Making statements about your goals helps to make your vision of your career more concrete. Your goals should be specific, feasible, structured, and focused on getting results. Long-term goals are goals you want to achieve in the next three to five years. They give you something to strive toward. Short-term goals can be projected over the next year to year and a half. They clarify what you're working toward and how you should proceed.
  3. personal needs and circumstances – Your personal needs and circumstances affect the feasibility of your career goals. Additionally, without the balance of your personal life, you and your career are at risk. This section of your career plan should include the personal resources you need to draw on to be successful. It should also include realistic limits that your personal commitments and resources place on what you can achieve.
  4. an action plan –You use your action plan to set schedules and procedures around short-term goals. Your action plan should be pragmatic and contain realistic milestones. This keeps you on track and gives you a way of monitoring your progress. Set evaluation dates in your action plan so you can assess your progress. Don't give yourself a plan that's too demanding. If circumstances change, be ready to modify it accordingly.

Proactively capitalizing on organizational change enables you to regain a sense of control and to become more passionate about your work.

To do this, you need to reinvent yourself and disengage from unnecessary aspects of your former role.

You should also determine how you can realign your career goals to meet the new circumstances. A flexible career plan enables you to target opportunities and advance your career when your organization changes.

5 Keys to Successfully Maintaining a Healthy Work-Life Balance

For most people, an important part of work life is interacting with others. Breaks and socializing with colleagues are important too.  Interruptions can eat into the time you need to spend getting your work done, making you less productive and more stressed. Work Life Balance and Handling Interruptions at work is very important part of being successful.

In a typical office, interruptions come from a variety of sources:

  • managers asking for updates, making new work requests, or popping in to discuss developments informally
  • colleagues who request assistance or just want to chat
  • meetings, which are often overly long and sometimes unnecessary
  • your telephone and cell phone, with calls from fellow employees, clients, family members, or friends
  • your e-mail, with messages ranging from urgent work requests to greetings or jokes from friends, and
  • noise from nearby colleagues and their telephones

Even brief interruptions can rob you of a lot of time. This is because after you've dealt with an interruption, you typically need extra time to regain your focus on what you were doing before. You can think of this as "switching" time – it usually takes some time to switch between tasks.

Some straightforward strategies can help you to minimize interruptions at work:

  • You can use voice mail to prevent phone calls from disrupting your work.
  • You can close your e-mail while you're completing a task.
  • If you have your own office space, close your door and possibly even post a "do not disturb" sign on it until you've finished what has to be done.

Whenever necessary, you should be direct with managers or colleagues. If you don't have enough time to chat or assist with a problem, say so. Mentioning what it is you need to finish can help keep this from sounding too abrupt.

Among the most time-consuming of interruptions when you're working are phone calls. When you can't simply turn on your answering machine, you can use other strategies for reducing the time you spend handling phone calls:

  • delegating – If you receive a call when you're busy, it may be appropriate to delegate the call by redirecting it to someone else.
  • shortening the calls – Often, you can shorten the time a call takes by letting the caller know there's a deadline involved. Follow-up calls may not be required because setting a time limit encourages a caller to come straight to the point.
  • rescheduling – If you're too busy to handle a call, it may be appropriate to reschedule it. Generally, you should offer a brief explanation of why you're not available to talk and offer times at which you will be available.

When you use one of the strategies for minimizing the time a phone call takes, it's important to avoid being rude or too abrupt. Sometimes a particular client or customer calls often and requires frequent reassurance. If you cut the calls short, you may risk offending or even losing the client. And if you continue to spend more time on the calls than you have, you're at risk of falling behind in your work.

To help prevent regular calls from a client from disrupting your work, you can

  • pre-empt the calls and phone the client yourself when you have the time, and
  • specify the times when you're available to accept and return calls so that the client knows what to expect – and use voice mail to do this when you're not available

Handling drop-in visitors

Drop-in visitors are people who come into your office or to see you at your desk without a prior appointment. They can include managers, coworkers, customers or vendors, and friends. Sometimes drop-in visitors want your help with problems or to discuss work-related issues. At other times, they may stop by just to chat. They can use up some of your valuable time.

Several strategies can help you reduce the time you spend dealing with drop-in visitors:

  • set time limits – Sometimes a drop-in visitor may settle in to chat or take a long time getting to a point. Setting a time limit on the discussion is a good way to prevent this.
  • limit times you're available – If you're a manager, it's important to make time to see staff who need your assistance. But it's also important that you have enough time to complete your own work. You could choose to make it clear that you're available only between certain times. You could also choose to limit the issues you're available to discuss.
  • ask how you can help – If you ask how you can help as soon as a drop-in visitor arrives at your desk, it shows that you're expecting the visitor to address a work-related issue.
  • encourage visits outside your workplace – You should also ask friends or colleagues who want to catch up socially to meet you outside the workplace. This often helps to pre-empt visits. If you're a manager, you can schedule time to make the rounds and find out if any team members need your help – rather than facing interruptions once you're focusing on your own work.

If you're too busy to deal with unexpected visitors, you should say so directly. Colleagues are likely to understand and empathize if you're trying to get your work done, and you'll be able to focus better on speaking to them once you know you've got the time. Ultimately, minimizing interruptions during the time you've scheduled to get your own work done will help your career, and leave you less stressed, with time left to assist others and to relax once your work is done.

Strategies for reducing the time you spend handling phone calls include delegating the calls to others, shortening the calls, and, when necessary, rescheduling them for once you're less busy. To reduce the time you spend with drop-in visitors, you can set time limits on discussions, limit the times for which you're known to be available, immediately ask any visitor how you can help, and encourage visits outside your workplace.

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