A conversation requires concentrated listening. Many people assume they know how to listen. However, these people may be mistaking just hearing for effective listening. Listening does require hearing, but it also requires interpretation and understanding – in other words, two-way communication.

Listening effectively enables you to better understand and interpret what someone is saying. For example, you'll know what your manager needs from you only if you listen attentively. This can help you improve productivity and avoid mistakes.

If you listen effectively, you're able to show your coworkers that you're interested in and have respect for what they have to say. You encourage them to do the same and so develop mutual respect, which fosters strong and smooth work relationships.

Being able to listen effectively also means opening your mind to new experiences. You learn constantly and other people's thoughts, knowledge, or ideas will inspire your thinking and encourage you to be more innovative.

Misconceptions about listening

Many people have the following misconceptions when it comes to listening:

• Listening comes automatically
  Simply hearing what's being said isn't effective listening. Effective listening takes concentration and effort. You need to understand the meaning and intent of what is said.
• Everyone hears the same thing
  Not everyone hears the same thing. Sentences – and even individual words – may have several meanings and be open to different interpretations, resulting in potential misunderstanding.
• Listening is effortless
  This is probably the most popular misconception about listening. To listen effectively, you have to make an effort to understand the spoken words and sentences, as well as the intent and emotion behind them.
• Listening is natural
  Effective listening isn't a natural skill. Listening effectively is learned and requires practice. Following simple guidelines, you can become far more effective at listening.

Different types of listeners

You can group different types of listeners into four main categories:

• Non-listeners
  A non-listener doesn't intend to listen to you, doesn't hear, and doesn't make an effort to pay attention. The non-listener would rather do all the talking. As a result, this person constantly interrupts the speaker and always attempts to have the last word. A non-listener may offer you blank stares and demonstrate nervous mannerisms while you're speaking, and may even fake attention during a conversation. However, it will become clear that this person isn't paying attention when they respond incorrectly or inappropriately. Non-listeners are generally not liked because their lack of effort shows a lack of respect for what others have to say.
• Superficial listeners
  A superficial listener hears what you're saying but doesn't grasp the point you're making. A superficial listener listens only for the basic meaning of the spoken words and takes no notice of body language, voice tone, and other subtle forms of communication. Most often, superficial listeners are busy thinking about what they want to say next. You might get the impression that they do understand what you're saying, which can lead to confusion and mistakes. People who listen superficially often search for an excuse to avoid conversation or difficult discussions.
• Logical listeners
  Logical listeners make an effort to hear what you're saying and to comprehend the meaning of the actual words. However, they don't understand your intent or the meaning behind your words. Because they don't receive messages from vocal intonation, body language, or facial expressions, they miss important components of what a speaker is trying to communicate. Logical listeners need to concentrate more on the nonverbal communication accompanying speech.
• Active listeners
  Listening actively requires concentration and emotional effort. Active listeners won't judge you as you speak, but will try their best to understand what you're saying and why you're saying it. In other words, they'll respect your point of view. They'll listen for the intent and emotions behind the words so that they can better understand your line of thought.

In summary, listening effectively is very important in the workplace. It helps you improve productivity and build smoother relationships. Listening effectively also helps you collaborate more easily and become more innovative. There are four types of listeners, each with a different level of listening skill. A non-listener doesn't make an effort to hear what you say, and a superficial listener hears but doesn't grasp the points being made. A logical listener understands the meaning of the words but not the intent behind them. An active listener has the highest level of listening skill, and understands both the meaning of the words and the intent behind them.

Everyone reacts to change slightly differently and is likely to have their own opinion about the change – that's just human nature. However, it's how you handle reactions to and opinions about change that will impact the success of a change initiative.

People often find change exciting, and respond well to new challenges and new ways to do things. But sometimes they react negatively. When reactions to change are negative, opinions may come off as complaints or criticism. Successfully leading your employees through change involves managing their reactions and accepting their input in a way that builds support for the change initiative.

Build mutual understanding and support for change using open communication and active listening. As employees share their feelings and opinions, you can help them view the change in a positive way. Active listening will help you convey concern, interest, and respect, which in turn enhances open communication. However, listening to your employees isn't enough. You must be prepared to act on their input when appropriate. You need to demonstrate that you respect and value their suggestions, and determine whether they should be implemented.

A four-step listening technique can help you build support for change initiatives with your employees:

• Encourage open communication
  To learn how your employees feel about the change initiative, you must encourage open communication. Once you know how they feel, you can help them view the change more positively, which will help build support. Begin with a question inviting employees to share their feelings. Guidelines to help you encourage open communication include asking questions and being open, honest, positive, and sensitive. A few things to avoid when encouraging open communication include being judgmental or dismissive, or assuming you know how someone is feeling.
• Listen to your employees' feelings
  You can "listen" to your employees' feelings by restating the feelings they've expressed in your own words. This helps establish empathy. When restating your employee's feelings, follow some simple but effective guidelines – do continue to encourage open communication, and don't judge, make assumptions, or be dismissive. As you check for understanding, ask questions, demonstrate that you're listening by restating the concern expressed, invite input on how to resolve problems or address concerns, and take employees seriously. When checking for understanding, don't judge or make assumptions, prejudge how a situation can be resolved, become defensive, interrupt with a rebuttal, ignore criticism, be dismissive, or impose your own views.
• Check for understanding
  After employees tell you their opinions or feelings, you need to check for understanding. Summarizing and restating their input is an effective way to do this.
• Take employees' input on board
  You need to act on input by determining if it should be implemented. Some input will be relevant and some won't. Either way, you need to follow up with the individual and explain why any suggestion is or isn't being implemented. This demonstrates respect and shows employees that their input is taken seriously and valued. To respond appropriately to input from employees, you should be willing to act, investigate the input, wrap things up on a positive note, and thank the employee for the input. Ensure you don't do nothing or ignore the input. Always acting on input will encourage your employees to continue to share valuable insights with you.

As a leader, you need to support your employees during change. To do this while also building support for a change initiative, you need to understand what employees are feeling and thinking. You can use a four-step listening technique to help you accomplish this – encourage open communication, "listen" to your employees' feelings, check for understanding, and take their input on board.

• acknowledge the speaker
• paraphrase what was said, and
• reflect the emotions underlying the speaker's statements

Acknowledging the speaker

Paraphrasing what was said

Reflecting the emotions underlying the speaker's statements

Arnold Schwarzenegger was not famous yet in 1976 when he and I had lunch together at the Doubletree Inn in Tucson, Arizona. Not one person in the restaurant recognized him.

He was in town publicizing the movie Stay Hungry, a box-office disappointment he had just made with Jeff Bridges and Sally Field. I was a sports columnist for the Tucson Citizen at the time, and my assignment was to spend a full day, one-on-one, with Arnold and write a feature story about him for our newspaper's Sunday magazine.

I, too, had no idea who he was, or who he was going to become. I agreed to spend the day with him because I had to—it was an assignment. And although I took to it with an uninspired attitude, it was one I'd never forget.

Perhaps the most memorable part of that day with Schwarzenegger occurred when we took an hour for lunch. I had my reporter's notebook out and was asking questions for the story while we ate. At one point I casually asked him, "Now that you have retired from bodybuilding, what are you going to do next?"

And with a voice as calm as if he were telling me about some mundane travel plans, he said, "I'm going to be the number-one box-office star in all of Hollywood."

Mind you, this was not the slim, aerobic Arnold we know today. This man was pumped up and huge. And so for my own physical sense of well-being, I tried to appear to find his goal reasonable.

I tried not to show my shock and amusement at his plan. After all, his first attempt at movies didn't promise much. And his Austrian accent and awkward monstrous build didn't suggest instant acceptance by movie audiences. I finally managed to match his calm demeanor, and I asked him just how he planned to become Hollywood's top star.

"It's the same process I used in bodybuilding," he explained. "What you do is create a vision of who you want to be, and then live into that picture as if it were already true."

It sounded ridiculously simple. Too simple to mean anything. But I wrote it down. And I never forgot it.

I'll never forget the moment when some entertainment TV show was saying that box office receipts from his second Terminator movie had made him the most popular box office draw in the world. Was he psychic? Or was there something to his formula?

Over the years I've used Arnold's idea of creating a vision as a motivational tool. I've also elaborated on it in my corporate training seminars. I invite people to notice that Arnold said that you create a vision. He did not say that you wait until you receive a vision. You create one. In other words, you make it up.

A major part of living a life of self-motivation is having something to wake up for in the morning—something that you are "up to" in life so that you will stay hungry.

The vision can be created right now—better now than later. You can always change it if you want, but don't live a moment longer without one. Watch what being hungry to live that vision does to your ability to motivate yourself.

• dysfunctional family – People who grow up with a lack of experience in different social settings may have never learned the basic social skills to enable them to interact appropriately with others. For example, someone who wasn't given any privacy while growing up may become an adult who sees nothing wrong with intruding into everyone else's personal lives. This person doesn't understand or respect other people's need for privacy.
• being stuck in the past – People who are stuck in the past may exhibit difficult behavior because they relate to people in the present as though they were a specific person who caused them grief in the past. For instance, someone who was treated abusively or unfairly by a previous boss may feel anger toward a new boss because of their unresolved anger. The person behaves badly toward the new boss because, in that person's eyes, the new boss represents someone from the past who caused him pain.
• low self-esteem – People with low self-esteem will often use difficult behavior, such as being demanding or offensive, to keep others at a distance. They do this to protect their own fragile sense of self. As an example, they may have been teased or bullied as children and have learned to respond to others in the same manner.

• controlling – Controlling people are motivated by a need to get the job done quickly. One reason for this is that they want to keep costs down. Controlling behavior is also a type of aggressive behavior. People who display controlling behavior need to understand that by taking a little extra time to resolve issues, workers can actually cut back on the number of dissatisfied customers, which saves money in the long run.
• perfectionist – Perfectionists are motivated by a need to get the job done right. Perfectionists can often be indecisive and overly critical. This is a type of procrastination. This type of behavior may be brought on by a need for approval. To counteract this behavior, the perfectionist's boss needs to provide the person with lots of support and reassurance. The person needs to understand that being able to get a job done well and on time is more important than spending so much time on every little detail.
• approval-seeking – Approval-seeking people are motivated by the need to get along and belong. People who display this behavior don't want to say no to anyone, and will agree to all requests. This may often result in them not being able to do any of their work effectively. Approval-seeking behavior is a type of negative behavior. The approval-seeking person needs to understand that it's not always possible to please everybody and that, by trying to do just that, she isn't able to do her job effectively and risks making people angry at her.
• attention-getting – Attention-getting people are motivated by the need to be appreciated. This is a type of self-serving behavior. To help mitigate this difficult behavior, the person's boss needs to acknowledge him and let him know he is appreciated. Once the person gains the approval he's seeking, the situation should start to improve.

Difficult people cause all kinds of problems in the workplace and make life miserable for their coworkers. For example, a person who misses deadlines can cause coworkers who are forced to pick up the slack to become resentful. A person who constantly complains can lower morale in the workplace. Being able to deal with a difficult person is a skill that can serve you well in the workplace and can help you avoid or overcome awkward situations.

If you can identify what types of difficult people you're dealing with, you can better determine what motivates them to behave the way they do. Once you know the motivation for their behavior, you can understand how to deal with and or avoid the issues they cause. However, just because you see someone as difficult doesn't mean that person necessarily is.

Factors such as gender, race, culture, and religion can affect behavior in the workplace. It's important to understand these differences and consider them before labeling someone as "difficult." What may seem offensive to one person may seem completely normal to a person from a different cultural background. For example, one person may see no problem with addressing a superior by the person's first name. However, someone from a different cultural background may see this as a sign of disrespect.

If you think about it, you can probably think of times when your behavior has caused problems for someone else. Before you can think about a plan for dealing with someone who you feel is being difficult, you should look at your own behavior to see if it could be something you did that's causing the problem. It may be a good idea to talk over the situation with someone you trust, such as a coworker, friend, or family member. This person may be able to help you determine whether it's your behavior that needs to change.

For the most part, people themselves aren't really "difficult." However, they do exhibit difficult behaviors. It's these behaviors that cause negative reactions from others. Some examples of the types of behaviors that can cause problems at work include being negative or disruptive, poor attendance, a lack of focus, or an unwillingness to change.

People who exhibit difficult behavior may do so because of the environment they're living or working in. Or they may be under a lot of pressure and feeling the effects of stress. It's important to examine the person's behavior over a period of time. If the behavior is out of the ordinary, the person may simply be having a bad day.

Difficult behavior needs to be dealt with in a timely fashion. If allowed to continue, it can get worse over time. People who feel that their behavior helps them get what they want have little incentive to change.

Types of difficult people

Most difficult people that you'll encounter in the workplace can be divided into five general types:

• aggressive – Aggressive people tend to be rude and intimidating, trying to control others by behaving like bullies on a playground. They may use tactics such as yelling and threatening to frighten coworkers. Or, in the case of passive-aggressive people, they may try to control you by dropping hints to make you feel sorry for them, rather than just asking you directly for help. For example, they may say something like, "I hope I can finish this project tonight. I'm not feeling well and I may not be in tomorrow," rather than just asking if you could help them finish the project. In a worst-case scenario, aggressive behavior in the workplace can lead to violence.
• negative – Negative people complain about everything but never have suggestions for how to improve anything. They only seem to be happy when they're spreading misery to everyone else. Negative people keep their coworkers from getting their work done by constantly distracting them. They also bring the people around them down. Coworkers may start to ignore negative people, which can lead to another problem. On the rare occasion that the negative people really do have something that needs to be brought to their coworkers' attention, chances are nobody will be listening.
• procrastinator – Procrastinators find reasons to put off doing their tasks. They often have trouble getting started and spend time thinking of excuses for why they can't get their work done. Procrastinators are often afraid of failure. In their minds, missing a deadline is better than submitting poorly done work. Procrastinators will often have trouble meeting deadlines and require more time to complete a task than their coworkers. In cases where production depends on a number of tasks being completed by different people, a procrastinator can throw everything off. Coworkers may be forced to pick up the slack and will eventually become resentful.
• manipulative – Manipulative people use their charms to coax and maneuver their coworkers to suit their own needs. Manipulators are self-centered and don't care about anyone else's wants or needs. They enjoy being the center of attention – it doesn't matter to them how they get there. When manipulators run into people who don't give them the answers they want, they often turn to threats to get their way. For example, a manipulator who feels secure in the workplace may threaten to quit if the boss won't give her what she wants. Manipulators see no problem with using whatever tactics they deem necessary to get their coworkers to help them out. However, they would seldom put themselves out to help someone else.
• self-serving – Self-serving people believe in getting something for nothing. They don't see value in achieving things through hard work. They tend to believe that what they feel is best for them is really the fair and moral choice.

Sometimes, you might think people are being difficult when they really aren't. Saying or doing something you don't like doesn't necessarily make a person difficult. For example, a boss may need to give corrective feedback to an employee. The employee might be upset about the feedback, but the boss isn't being difficult. She's just doing her job.

The types of difficult people encountered in the workplace can be divided into five general types: aggressive, negative, procrastinating, manipulative, and self-serving. If you can identify the types of difficult people you're dealing with, you can better understand how to deal with their behavior and the issues they bring with them.

Dealing with Difficult People

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learn how to identify common types of difficult people and the best ways to deal with them.
working with Difficult People

Articles

• How to Work with Difficult People without Losing Your Mind
• 5 Difficult Personality Types You May Encounter at Work and How to Deal with Them
• Working with Difficult People: Identifying Difficult People
   

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How should you prepare for running a meeting?
Define the meeting's goals.
Choose meeting participants that will have something to contribute.
Develop an agenda and send it out in advance.
How should you lead a meeting?
Ask meeting participants to unplug - no cell phones, laptops, etc.
Follow your meeting agenda.
Encourage productive feedback that's on topic.
Make sure everyone is heard.
Create a "parking lot" for off-topic subjects to discuss later.
What should you do after the meeting is over?
Send out minutes to all attendees.
Monitor completion of action items.