If you want to influence your colleagues to do something, you need to do something for them or give them something they value. In short, exchange is the foundation of influence. To develop an effective give-and-take strategy to influence others, then, you should

• determine your needs
• consider your relationship
• determine the other person's needs, and
• identify the resources you can offer

Determine your needs

Before you elicit help from someone, you should know what you need. You should ask yourself several questions when you consider your needs:

• What are my primary goals in seeking this person's cooperation?
• Are my goals short-term or long-term?
• Are my goals "needs" or just "nice-to-haves"?
• Is my priority to accomplish a goal or is it to preserve or improve my relationship with this person?

It's important to separate your personal desires from what you actually need. You do this so that you don't forget your task goals or prevent yourself from listening to the needs of others. You don't need to deny all your personal desires – just make sure you're clear on your priorities.

It's important to be flexible in how you achieve your primary goals. Flexibility may lead you to solutions that are better than those you envisioned. As a rule, you should hold on to the essence of your goal, but be open to alternatives as you work with others whose cooperation you need.

Considering your relationship

If you have a good relationship with your colleague, it's usually easier to make your request. However, if you're on bad terms, you may need to ease into the request. For particularly strained relationships, it's better to first resolve the tension.

Awareness of your current relationship with your colleagues can help you choose the right way to address them. This awareness can open you to developing a more positive way of approaching him.

Work style

Different people work in different ways. Some favor creativity and lack of structure, while others are statistically-minded, preferring detailed analysis of a situation. You need to know their preferred style, as well as your own, so you can approach them in a way that's most appealing to their taste. And remember – if you aren't aware of your style, it can keep you from considering other possible approaches and hinder your ability to connect.

Background and personality

Each person has unique history, values, preferences, and goals. Consider how your personality and background relates to your colleagues. This will help you better understand your current relationship and how you might develop a future relationship with them.

Determining the other person's needs

In addition to knowing your own needs, you must consider

• your colleagues' tasks and responsibilities – including deadlines – which will impact their willingness to help you
• who your colleagues interact with at work – because everyone they deal with will create pressures that affect the way they look at problems and requests
• how your colleagues' performance is measured and rewarded – because they're more likely to help you if it boosts their own work, and
• your colleagues' career aspirations – because if you can offer something that advances their career, they're more likely to help you

To find this information, you can

• do research
• ask, and
• observe behavior

When "asking" and "observing behavior," it's important to be aware of clues that your colleagues may reveal. These clues may show you what's important to them. Clues may come from

• body language
• choice of words
• tone, and
• the types of concerns raised

Body language

Sometimes body language can communicate more than words express. It's useful to pay attention to body language so that you can respond appropriately to it. Watch for facial expressions, physical gestures, and posture that may indicate a negative attitude.

Choice of words

The language people use can reveal a lot about what's important to them. For example, managers who come from sporting backgrounds may use sports-related phrases when they speak. Or business analysts whose bonus is heavily dependent on key performance indicators may pepper their sentences with the term "KPI."

Tone

You can pick up a lot about people's thoughts by the tone of voice, volume, and the rate at which they speak. For example, if a particular work task doesn't inspire someone, you may well hear the disinterest in this person's voice. Or, if the person is discussing an issue he feels sensitive about, he might lower the volume so that others don't hear.

Types of concerns raised

People will often voice their concerns directly, saying things like "I'm worried about the costs" or "The marketing people won't agree to that." You should view these statements as indicators of what's important to someone.

Taking a direct approach and asking people about their interests, values, and concerns can offer benefits. People want to explain themselves and their situation. Moreover, sincerity and directness in your inquiry creates openness and trust in the relationship.

Identifying your resources

To make that fair trade with people you need help from, you should identify the resources that may be valuable to them. You want to find something that is acceptable and valuable enough to motivate them to give you what you need.

The resources you are able to offer has to be something you possess or have direct access to. To influence people to do something for you, you need to do something for them or give them something they value.

To develop an effective give-and-take strategy, you take four steps – determine exactly what your needs are, consider your relationship with the other person, determine the needs of the other person, and identify the resources you have on offer.